The Binder

I’ve moved twice this year. TWICE. That’s packing up every single thing I own, organizing it, carrying it to the car, carrying it from the car, finding a place for it…. TWICE.

Packing to move generally inspires cleaning, organization, and simplifying. Doing it again in less than three months inspires a person to live with fewer things. I found myself asking with every object, “Do I truly need this?” and “Do I really want to carry this back and forth when I move again?” I’ve cut down my possessions by quite a lot… and I’m pretty sure that I will just sell everything if I have to move again anytime soon!

My sentimentality really worked against me in this experience. See, I save EVERYthing that has emotional meaning. Cards, letters, gifts, special mementos- anything to preserve moments I held dear. While this is sweet, charming, and even a little bit comforting, it is a hassle pack and move. This relocation turmoil was slowly chipping away at my sentimental little heart.

I had been using the “get rid of 1/3 of what you have” strategy. This worked well for clothes I never wore, books I probably won’t re-read, school and work resources I always think I’ll reference…  I think I even went beyond 1/3- bonus points and a gold star! But how to reduce memories?

short cards.... long letters......

I’ll spare you the details of things that will probably make you laugh (pom-pom from a KWC basketball game, anyone? Or wait… was it football? Go Panthers!). But, one project became such a success, you must know about it- and try it yourself!








I have boxes and Ziploc bags FULL of letters and cards from 2001 until now. That’s 11 years! I should’ve taken a “before” picture, but it didn’t really dawn on me to blog it until this morning…. But picture 11 years of birthdays, Christmas’s, two graduations, and moving across the country. When I began packing for move #2, I started to thin out the collection. I was immediately hit with a problem- how can I choose one card over another? Is that like saying I love my cousin who sent this letter more than my grandma who sent the other? Oh, the guilt! I needed objective criteria: throw away anything that’s simply signed, keep anything with a paragraph or more of heartfelt sentiment.

Mamaw doesn't write cards anymore, so this is treasured.

When a kid draws a picture JUST for you, c'mon- that's precious.

 Victory! At the suggestion of my new roommate, Jen, I compiled the collection into a binder (ok, I admit… two binders) to conserve space. It sits neatly on my bookshelf and will pack easily when it’s time to move again.

But wait… there’s more…..

People I miss! Things I forgot!

Signed playbills from past productions...

KWC's President Poling shared a poem
before I moved to California.

 In the process, I discovered an additional benefit. This was more than a storage solution; I just created a book of support and encouragement.

We all have challenges and tough times in life. Throw in the fun that comes with bipolar disorder, and you’ll find some pretty low moments. 

What better way to remember the people surrounding me with love just when I start to forget? Start feeling like dreams are foolish and hopeless? Look who believes those goals are possible! Wonder if you are really blessing the people in your life? Check out those thank you cards. 

Letters from far-away friends trump facebook any day.

This is not an exercise in self-congratulations. It’s a perspective readjustment.










I sincerely think every person needs a binder like this! This is my hint that you need to gather your reminders of love and make them conveniently easy to read when you need it most!

A paper plate greeting!

I suppose I should tackle the boxes and envelopes of photographs next…. Or at least the next time I move.

How I Wrecked My Journal

You can get one on Amazon.

Though I abandoned my blog for seven months, you didn’t think I wasn’t writing, did you? Please. The amount of notebooks I use is ridiculous.

However, I discovered the amazing phenomena of “Wreck This Journal”.

The concept is to be artistically destructive with a journal- something most of us take somewhat seriously and protectively. By following the prompts, you allow for mistakes, imagination, and loosening your grip on the words you hold so dear. The instructions vary from simple (“Leave this page blank on purpose”) to involved (“Sew this page”), creative (“Draw an ugly picture”) to abusive (“Tie a string around the book and drag behind you on a walk”), and beyond.

Unsurprisingly, the out-of-the-box aspect appeals to me. Spicing up my journal life seemed a good idea, and any way to improve self-expression is always a good thing. Sure, I love words and do pretty well with them, but pictures… textures… smells? Including all the senses communicates beyond the capabilities of words. And so began the process of wrecking my journal…

Behold- a rare look at (select pages of) my personal journal. Of course, there is plenty of space to actually write, and I have.

 

Fabric scraps from past projects, 

and the top of a jar of jam from Kelly’s wedding.

“Collect fruit stickers”….
The scribbling was done by a 3-year-old from church who found
 the journal when it slipped out of my bag.

“Cover this page using only office supplies”…. 

You know all my office supplies are colorful!

I dropped it from the second story of our church building.

Sure, these aren’t all impressive (if you Google image search “Wreck This Journal”, other people will astound and amaze you). Most of what I created is not meant to be shared. But this is a vague way to describe the past seven months in writing terms. Life was all over the place, and my writing was, too. I’ve nearly finished filling and wrecking my journal, and will return to plain ol’ linear writing between the lines…. for now. I still have two more books in the series: “Mess” and “This is Not a Book”. Oh, the possibilities…..

Return

Seven months ago, I walked away from my online journal. It wasn’t initially deliberate; otherwise I would’ve written some kind of final “good-bye” post. Life was just turned every which way, and writing slipped lower on the priority list. Many of the things on the forefront of my mind were not really shareable with the masses. I also began questioning the purpose and relevancy of posting a blog. Do I really have anything interesting to say? Do my words matter to anyone outside my social circle? Should I focus on a specific topic or theme? Is there a point to this that’s not narcissistic?

I’ve been blogging nearly consistently since I was 15, in the years of Open Diary (which, apparently, still exists here). When I began, it was the novelty of writing and sharing semi-anonymously, while reading what my friends were thinking. Basically, it was like a glorified group email. I’ve definitely outgrown that, but why do I blog now?

The answer is still developing.  I definitely feel we need to share our life experiences with each other, both to learn and to support. While I don’t have any deep pearls of wisdom to impart, I do occasionally stumble upon something interesting and useful. Keeping it to myself would be selfish, wouldn’t it? And as far as relevancy… if what I write isn’t valuable, no one will read it. So that leaves the assessment in the hands (eyes?) of the rest of you. I’m not here for an ego boost.

Why am I here? I am a writer. I think, process, analyze, reflect, imagine, and constantly revise first, second, and third drafts of my thoughts. Getting out of my head and onto paper creates a sort of clarity, like laying all the crayons out in a row to see what colors you have. The topic and direction will emerge- like it always has.

Thanks for sticking around- I like your company. J

walk…. in what direction?

Walk by faith, not by sight.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on His understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

“I know the plans I have you for you,” says the Lord. “Plans to give you hope and future.”

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of Christ, which is beyond comprehension, will guard your heart and your mind.

(All the above are the from the Malinda Paraphrased Version.)

 

We know these words. We KNOW these truths. If it were written like questions on a test, we would answer correctly. When someone walks through a trial, we promptly reply with these solutions. And rightly so, because they ARE truth.

But that golden opportunity to actually live our beliefs that seems much more exciting in concept then in reality. We store up these scriptures and promises like stocking up on bread and milk before a bad storm. But when the storm hits, do we decide that bread and milk no longer sound appealing, but we’d rather have pop-tarts and soda instead?

Ok, so that seems like a stretch of an analogy, but stick with me here. We study God’s word and strive to apply it to our lives. Everything seems to make sense and we’re ready for anything. Until that “anything” happens. Then our peace flies out the window as we fret and panic. Sure, we profess that God has it under control and we trust Him. But if this was honest, why are we such a mess? Do we just not truly believe it? Where is the disconnect? Why do we trade in the things we know to be right for a bigger mess?

This must be the part where I jump in with a new, shinier scripture that makes our process clear. Maybe something from Paul about doing what we don’t want to do? Or maybe something even more encouraging than our familiar passages… perhaps an obscure verse we somehow failed to notice before? Then again, maybe it’s this “magic word” theology that produces such weak faith from the beginning.

I can’t offer the ultimate solution, because I’m still working it out for myself. All my studying and learning have produced a good head knowledge of the “right answers”- and they ARE right. My continuing life journey with God is fortifying my heart with these truths, so that it will remain steady on the rock foundation during the inevitable and reoccurring storms.

But we’re weak until the roots of God’s truth burrow deeply in our soul. I think that’s where the difference is found, the difference between freaking out during the chaotic stuff versus taking shelter under the Shadow of the Almighty during the same hurricane. I’m reading about book about “Swamplands of the Soul” which points out something the book of James has tried to tell us for years. All the trying seasons are not necessarily evils to be avoided, but birthing places for beautiful growth in us. What this mainstream book doesn’t include is that the swamplands provide a brilliant canvas for God’s artistry, too. When there’s lots of room for Him to work, there’s a lot He can do.

As usual, I do not write these words as a “sermon from a soapbox”. I am literally sitting on my couch, typing what I am trying to work out for myself. Unexpected circumstances have overturned the plans I had- for school/career stuff, living situation, and other miscellaneous matters. 90% of me is freaking out- literally. The other 10% is writing this, thinking, praying, and clinging to the hope that lives in the truths we know. I have a feeling if we share that little bit we all have in us, it could become something stronger altogether.

fresh sheet of paper?

If I was the type of girl who made New Year’s resolutions, I would (once again) strive for more disciplined blogging.

If I was still the type of girl who set goals for the coming year, I would definitely aim to post more frequently.

But since I’m a girl who isn’t sure what this year will bring, I won’t set myself up for failure.

I’m still going to attempt better blogging, though. For real. I promise.

 

It’s difficult to dance my way into 2012 when 2011 still hauntingly lingers. While my long-term goals remain the same, the short-term details have changed and require regrouping. There are many personal issues and emotions that are still unresolved from the past year. The date changed, but who says our new beginnings correspond with a calendar? Am I the only person who doesn’t feel like January wiped the slate clean?

 

But for now, here’s the obligatory recap:

Since my last entry, my doctor decided that mania wasn’t the best idea, so yet another medication has brought me to a healthy normal level of existence. For now. But that is another matter for another discussion.

The Christmas show was successful. :) After a nice little holiday break, Masquer is about to begin a production of “Godspell”. This also means that many of us are “in training” to prepare for high energy performances that include simultaneous singing and dancing. So yay for lots of exercise and excessively healthy eating and the like. Thankfully, my spring semester includes a twice-weekly yoga class.

Christmas itself was lovely… the lights, festivities, music, gifting, fun times with loved ones, special church services….. all good things. :) My church blessed me by providing needed funds to cover a parking ticket (and then some). This literal Christmas miracle overwhelmed my heart with gratitude.

Additionally, my parents and Claudia visited! For the past week, we’ve been doing vacation-y things. I’m quite proud of my tour guide skills (particularly with budget activities!), and am glad to offer my services to all of you who visit! For the curious, here are a few things we did/saw/experienced:

- Redondo Beach pier

- Cabrillo Marine Aquarium and tidepools
 

- New Year’s Eve at the Long Beach Waterfront

- a little bit of hiking in the San Gabriel mountains

- shopping at the Americana
 

- a quick visit with the Hollywood sign

- a tour of Sony Studios

(disclaimer: i did not take a single one of those photos, but they are as accurate as possible… you get the idea.)

 

Now that the family has returned home, 2012 has officially begun- whether I am ready or not. Here’s to a school-free January full of productivity and creative accomplishment. Here’s to a year blessed by the good things of last year and stronger because of the challenges. I raise my glass to a healthy combination of optimism and something resembling wisdom.

And I pray that God is smiling on your new year, too.

i am AWAKE

It is midnight. In six hours, I should be out of bed and walking dogs around the block until they are good and empty. We have a special service at church tomorrow, which requires looking nice and being there early to prepare. The kids are dancing and (hopefully) singing, and reciting memory verses. We will have special guests. It’s a big deal.

It would be really nice, responsible, and healthy if I went to bed now- or an hour and a half ago. But i can’t. I canNOT sleep. My mind is awake. I think my body agrees with being awake. There is energy that must be spent.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this is mania. Whee!

I feel like baking cookies. I could work on a screenplay, but I lack focus. Christmas crafting would be lovely, but the results might be sloppy. Maybe I’ll do yoga. If I didn’t have to be up early, the possibilities would be endless. And a small part of my brain still contains the voice of common sense.

And a smaller part of my brain wonders how I could be drifting into manic territory while on the medication. But i don’t stop there long enough to produce explanations. I can let the professionals figure that out. And really, is this too much personal information for a blog?

Meanwhile, let me show you something that Kelly taught me that is super helpful. Basically, you can use a sock to make a good bun, and wearing it overnight leaves curls in the morning:click here for video because for some reason it won't let me embed it.

Also, are you guys loving Pinterest??

*******

I lost track of where I was going with this. Poseidon left the couch, and I followed him to make sure he didn’t mark anything (two days without an incident! woot!). Then, I thought, “Candy Cane Jo-Jo’s sound really good. A couple more wouldn’t be horrible, right? ‘Tis the season, after all….” I suppose peppermint Oreos are not going to help me sleep.

You know, I don’t know anyone else who is bipolar. Sometimes (a lot of times), I wish I did. My friends are amazing and supportive, but what would it be like to know someone who understands by experience?

Tomorrow is our final rehearsal before tech week! This year’s Christmas show is more of a performance art concert with narration surrounding a loose plot. It’s pretty. There are angels. Someone described it as “a breath of fresh air from holiday madness.” And I hope all you So Cal people see it next weekend. It’s fun and it’s free- and it’s good- so there’s not reason not to come.

So let’s recap…. big, important worship service at WorkChurch tomorrow. Big, long, extended rehearsal at the theatre. Plus all the other stuff from school and Christmas prep and life details that require attention. You know what would be a good thing to do? If you you answered “sleep” in a tone that could also mean “duh, stupid”, you are probably absolutely correct.

But I’ll probably do yoga anyway.

avoidance is my gift

I moved my laptop to the kitchen table so that the comfy chair wouldn’t be so inviting. Somehow, it’s easier to stay on task in a wooden chair, instead of sucked into facebook and games while curled up in something softer.

Then I made lists. Lists are deceptively procrastinative under the guise of being productive. On one hand, it helps to organize thoughts and priorities. On the other, more honest hand, it helps me put off the more substantial tasks.

Then I made my workstation a little more…. cozy? I’ve ready about bad study habits, and they include making a nest. This is a strategy that i’ve often employed. Just last week, I prepared for a big presentation from my pillow/blanket/couch nest. Everything was in arm’s reach- food, drink, remote controls, laptop, notebook, backpack…. And to be fair, I did accomplish everything by deadline.

Today my kitchen-table-“nest” includes my backpack on the chair next to me, a candle lit in my rainbow mosaic holder, a (now empty) bottle of coconut water, notebook/pen/homework, and Jonah, the neighbor’s fish we are keeping until they return from a trip. As you can see by the fact that I am writing a blog entry, this set-up is encouraging great progress.

Also by my side is a spray bottle of water. This is intended for quick, effective dog discipline. However, it is not always quick nor effective. Sometimes, it is just better to usher all three dogs into my room for some downtime, whether they like it or not.

Yes, I said THREE dogs. We have our own little pack over here. In addition to Tootsie and Yoshi, we have acquired a little man named Poseidon.

 Seen here with Yoshi in a rejected Christmas card photo.

Kelly and I discovered Poseidon while riding bikes through the neighborhood. When attempts to find and reunite him with his family failed, we couldn’t just leave him at the animal shelter to face almost-certain euthanization (at four years old and with imperfect appearance, he was not likely to be adopted when there are so many puppies available). So Poseidon came home with me. When Kelly and Tootsie move out, this will also work out particularly well for alleviating Yoshi’s separation anxiety.

But now I’ve strayed from my nest of procrastination. If you’re really interested in knowing the latest “life updates”, they are as follows:

-School is busy (nearing semester’s end).
-Work is busy (in the midst of holiday season with it’s special services and events).
-Theatre is busy (our show opens December 9th and only runs one weekend. Come see it!).
-Christmas plans are busy (gift preparations take a little longer when your broke (but crafty!) self is making things).
-My family is coming to visit for New Year’s, so there is preparation for that (plus cleaning if my mother is going to see my apartment).

And so it goes. With that, I should post this and actually work on my homework instead of just feeling comforted by its nearby presence. Besides, the dogs are mostly quie- nevermind. i should’ve known better than to type that. Excuse me while I spray a barking Tootsie and rescue an innocent fish from an inquisitive and surprisingly agile chihuahua.

octoberween

Things have been quite… seasonal… lately. I’ve never been a huge fan of Halloween, but something has apparently inspired me to embrace the novelty of October (and then November and December, of course).

My name is Malinda, and I have celebrated the fall season in the following ways:

- I pulled out Kelly’s Halloween decorations, and now you can find a big fuzzy spider on the entertainment center, a sparkly ghost on the coffee table, my pumpkin teddy bear on the radiator, a fake-but-lit jack o’lantern on top of the dryer, and orange Christmas lights (Halloween lights?) hanging from the ceiling.

- For editing homework, I chose to watch and evaluate a scene from The Nightmare Before Christmas. It can also be noted that Kelly has a coordinating blanket on the couch.

- Also, we turned off the lights last night, popped some popcorn (on the stove with coconut oil! woot!), and watched Paranormal Activity 2.

- We are burning festive candles and the wax melty things frequently. Not only does this make the house smell all warm and cozy, but it makes me worry less about puppy odors.

- Apple cider has been enjoyed, both chilled and warm in mugs.

- Halloween costume pieces are currently being assembled, and will premiere at a party Sunday evening and again on Halloween night.

- Two pumpkins are sitting on the counter. The plan is to carve them in the next week or so. Though, if they remain uncarved, they can carry over into November, since they’re still all harvest-y and stuff.

- There has been talk of a caramel apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate…. must increase exercise in preparation.

So while I still delight in every summer-y day we receive (thank you, October in southern California!), I shall also revel in the stuff that only comes once a year(ish). We may not have much in the way of color-changing or brown crunchy leaves, but our plants won’t die from frost, either. So as I sit all cozy in my hoodie and fuzzy socks on a chilly evening, I bid you happy autumn.

my dog, the devil

“Job” opened! That was the big happening of the weekend. On one hand, tech week and the run of a show are inherently busy- travel to and from the theater, long rehearsals, performances, and after-show meals at Denny’s….

Then there was the added element of opening a show that is completely original and unlike our typical musicals. I was a little bit nervous, but people seem to be liking it. While it is an intense show, the response is encouraging. We have one more weekend of performances, and I really hope that word-of-mouth will continue to bring audiences.

Meanwhile, the world doesn’t stop for a show and regularly scheduled busyness continues. We’ve entered holiday season at workchurch: harvest fest –> Thanksgiving –> Christmas –> prep for next year. It doesn’t sound exciting in writing, but it consumes a good deal of thought/time/energy. There are some really good things happening with our kids though as we’re integrating them into church life as a whole. :)

Yoshi had to get a couple of baby teeth pulled yesterday…. It would’ve been awesome if she lost them naturally like all the others, instead of the $400 way….

Speaking of Yoshi- an interesting thing happened the other morning. It was breakfast time for the dogs, and each of them had food in their own bowls. Yoshi decided that she would rather have Tootsie’s meal, so she growled, threatened, and bullied her way into her bowl. Tootsie just stood by, watching and looking helpless as the puppy  took kibble that was rightfully hers. Nevermind that Tootsie is much bigger and stronger than Yoshi. In fact, if the two ever really fought, Yoshi would be wiped out before she knew what hit her. So why in the world would Tootsie allow her to steal food?

She looks innocent here, but don’t be fooled.

The sweet but mighty boston terrier. 

I know I have Job and accompanying spiritual warfare on the brain. But isn’t that how we react to Satan sometimes? We have God on our side and the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We learn and recite, “Greater is He that is in you”.  And contrary to popular belief, Satan is not the opposite of God. They are not even close to equal. The devil started out as an angel- one of many created beings. You know, the created beings that we’ll be above once we make our way to heaven. Satan’s got an attitude problem and a mean streak that gain attention, but he’s really small potatoes compared to the Almighty Creator who just so happens to a)love us, b)fight for us, and c)fill us with His spirit to pack an even more powerful punch to a pesky devil.

That’s right. God’s got our back. Bring it.

punk.

 

So why do we freak out when temptation and trouble come our way? Why are we intimidated by a devil who growls, barks, and makes noise, but we are more than capable to fight? Has he really convinced our sweet, trusting selves that he can bully his way into our food bowl and take what he wants?

It’s not that easy…. or is it? I know I’ve certainly cowered at Satan’s threats and lies. Perhaps it’s time to remember the proper perspective, regain our rightful place, and reclaim our stolen breakfast.

weekend away, now something to say

Our church is building a youth group. As  a congregation of young families, this is the first time there have been students old enough for youth, so we have the opportunity and challenge to start a program from scratch. Exciting! In the spirit of beginning with a solid foundation and creating good things, I was sent to the National Youth Workers Convention in San Diego this weekend.

It was fun, as youth workers like doing all the things kids like to do, whether those kids are present or not. So yes, there was Mario Kart and ping pong and a rock wall and a good deal of free stuff (yay free stuff!). Of course there were the standard sit-here-and-learn-stuff seminars, but the big group sessions were a mix of music and worship and dynamic, varied speakers (yes, i said dynamic. and yes, it’s cliche. but it’s also true so go with it), comedy acts, videos, and those shark balloons that look like they’re swimming as they fly through the air (side note: i have been dying to see one of these things in action the minute i saw them on youtube).

Yes, I learned a lot of valuable info that will hopefully be implemented into our program- even beyond the youth room. Also, so many resources were collected that I’m ready to dive into- like curriculum and local service ideas. So my mission was accomplished.

What I wasn’t expecting was the personal stuff that God had planned. As the conference began, I quickly began to suspect I was the only person who attended solo. Anticipating awkwardness and hoping to meet and hang out with new people, I walked into the large main room with strategically designed stage, lighting, and a dj establishing atmosphere. Yeah, pretty much what I expected. Then there was the singing and praise and worship and- that was when God mentioned one tiny little fact-

“You haven’t been worshipping Me.”

me: “Of course I have, silly God. I worship during church every Sunday morning! Ok, so my mind is also on children’s sermons, lesson plans, and meetings, etc… but I also make sure to do some worship and praying in the car on my way there to prepare and make sure I cover my ‘worship quota’.”

God: “Yeah, try focusing right now withOUT those distractions and see what I mean.”

And what do you know- the Almighty God was absolutely correct. And I was glad I was alone while I broke down in tears in actual worship (because we know that if I was with a friend or church person, I would resist vulnerability like a kid rejects broccoli). Then God decided to address a few other issues.

You know when there’s a problem and someone pulls you aside to discuss it away from everyone else? That’s what this felt like. In the solitary confinement of my (quite comfy) hotel room, God talked me through reading, journaling, praying, listening, and addressing the big issues of the past year. It wasn’t instant complete healing- that process with continue to take time- but He demolished a big chunk of the wall I’ve been diligently building around my heart.

me: “So now what, God? We’ve established that I’m quite broken. Doesn’t that make me too defective to properly shepherd the precious young lives at church?”

And so we processed that one together the next day. A couple different speakers referenced the story of the woman at the well, and pointed out that she ministered to her entire town without being completely put together and without understanding all the answers. Furthermore, my experience with the dark struggles of bipolar disorder equips me to handle issues that many youth workers don’t understand or even fear. There’s no  way I could relate to someone who’s stranded at rock bottom if I didn’t reside there myself. But I have to get through to the other side in order for this to happen.

So I was feeling pretty good about things, and caught myself actually thinking (adventurously expectant, even) about the future- something I had previously given up. I felt ready for the evening’s speaker, Jamie Tworkowski from To Write Love On Her Arms. I knew that the subject matter would hit close to home (for the story behind TWLOHA, click here and scroll down). When Jamie said, “I don’t have the answers”, I wanted to say, “But you do!” The common thread between his story, my story, and even the stories of other people is this: when someone is in trouble, it takes a team of support LIVING active love to change or save a flailing life. He and his friends surrounded a girl in need, and took every possible practical step to walk with her to recovery. When I got lost this spring, my family of dear friends held onto hope for me when I couldn’t grasp it. They walked through every practical task, holding my hand to pull me up.

In “Christianese” we call this “being the hands and feet of Christ”. In straight-up English this means love in real-life action. We MUST do this- in ministry and outside the church walls- it’s not an option or going the extra mile. It is a requirement for people to live.

Holy cow, this is longer than intended. If I could, I’d give you a cookie for sticking with me and reading this far. But I had to tell you where I went this weekend. I’m the woman who went to a well for one purpose (youth ministry training), and left with unexpected living water. The only logical thing to do next is share with everyone who will listen.

Oh, and on the last day, I finally met a group of fantastic guys from West Virginia. So I even got to hang out with fun new people. It was worth the drive to San Diego, don’t you think?