October 20, 2009

today counted

Sometimes… ok, most days….. i must make sure my day was worthwhile before i go to sleep at night. My tummy ties itself in knots with regret if i just wasted a good twenty hours sitting in front of a computer, commuting, and other mindlessness. i know it seems silly and melodramatic, but life is too short and precious to let even a day go without at least one significant moment. I sincerely believe that with every ounce of my heart.

The hope contained in super-secret-project seems to be a figurative lifeline from the soul-killing days in my windowless office. Also, combined with focus on the Lord and mass amounts of creativity, I continue to dwell in the happy, balanced, in-between place between mania and depression. And the villagers rejoiced.

I used to keep a journal of happy thoughts. In a spiral notebook with a tie-dye cover, I would write down everything good that happened in a day. It would remind me of the little festive things we tend to forget soon after they occur. It also helped me maintain perspective when the depression got out of hand. I recommend this practice to every single person on the planet.

Remember when my little sister, Claudia, was super young and she would count up the good and bad things at the end of the day before declaring what kind of day it was? She’s proof that awesomeness is something with which you’re born, I think.

A co-worker recently encouraged me to read “Living Artfully” by Sandra Magsamen. The premise is being creative in our daily lives, and using that creativity to bless others. Honestly, it’s kind of preaching to the choir. But it does provide some fun new project ideas and reminds me to take note of the artful ways I live.

So I went to sleep peacefully last night because yesterday counted. I was super productive and was satisfied on the progress made on the the to-do list. I spent my lunch break recycling the office cans for causes, and God used me (well, my phone) to aid in an emergency (such a privilege to be His hands and feet!!). And i was artful when I tried a new recipe for peanut butter banana muffins… bonus points for successfully baking.

Today counted, too. I shared some of the muffins and everyone survived. I spent lunch break with my friend, Dea, on my first geocache mission. My boss surprised us by providing a very yummy lunch…. and bringing in cornbread. I listened to new music- the New Moon soundtrack- during the evening commute. Then I showed Sophia how to do geocaching on a late night mission.

Tomorrow has promise of counting as well. A second geocache mission is planned. There are special guests visiting the station. And in the evening, I’ll have a chance to work on some church projects.

Life may not be all sunshine and lollipops, but i’m sure doing everything i can to make the best of it.

October 10, 2009

golden days

i got a lot done today. i did my share of the house cleaning, made copies at Staples, and obtained needed items from CVS and the 99-cent store. i was supposed to walk in a parade and help with a booth at the city Golden Days festival, but those services ended up being unnecessary. Oh, and I finished a novel this morning (“Dancing with Butterflies” by Reyna Grande, if you’re wondering. And no, it wasn’t that good.).

I’m starting to get sleepy, but determined to stay awake to see Regina Spektor on SNL. I contemplated a nap, but once I’m out, i’m done for the day. It’s these special moments that make me wish I better tolerated caffeine.   

I wish I had something deep and meaningful to say. Remember when I mentioned big changes in October? I’m working on a super-secret project that I’m not quite ready to share yet. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but it’s sort of like when you take your driver’s test. I’m not sure it’s going to work out, and I don’t want to have to announce my failure to the world.

Other current projects vying for my time and energy: beginning rehearsal for “Home for Christmas” (Masquer), putting together a stage adaptation of “The Creation” by James Weldon Johnson (church drama ministry… and yes, that’s the Mr. Perry piece), helping prep for Kids Kingdom events, like the Harvest Fest and Disciple Awards, and thinking about Christmas projects (creativity takes time).

Upcoming events: Disneyland for Sophia’s birthday and Regina Spektor at the Greek.

I'm coming down from a manic period, and dwell in that comfortable in-between time that resembles normalcy. Unfortunately, this means that depression is headed my way. I’m doing everything I can to postpone, manage, or even avoid it all together (i can dream), and creativity is often helpful…. in addition to prayer, reading the Word often, and surrounding myself with encouraging friends. But as always, I worry that the black cloud of depression will drive said friends to annoyance or energy drain.

And on that happy note, i think I’m going to watch “A Mighty Wind” until it’s time for everyone’s favorite weekend sketch comedy.

October 03, 2009

new beginnings

Oh, October. I vowed you would be a significant month. And you still have potential, despite my dissatisfaction.

September ended pretty well. The show was fabulous, though over so quickly after only one night’s performance. Rehearsal for the next show (I’ll Be Home for Christmas) starts tomorrow. And i’m working on a piece for church as well. So yay for the theatrical portion of my existence.

On the health front, this is supposed to be my month of increased exercise. Thus far, it has been the month of fail. I’m not ready to give up after only three days, but i need some serious help. I seriously attempted to wake up at 5:30am to start my day positively. However, I positively turned off my alarm and overslept. The world might as well face the fact that I am not and cannot possibly ever be a morning person. My next plan of attack was to do something exercise-y in the evenings after work. Unfortunately, the hour spent in traffic zapped any remaining energy and motivation, and my only activity involved repetitions of raising the remote to the tv to turn the channel. I have a couple fitness dvd’s with fifteen-minute workouts, but no space in my room to try them. I also have a fitness ball, though it’s only good for super-short stretches before my back really hurts (there’s irony. My back problems stem from too much sitting time and too much driving. you think any activity would be an improvement). My tennis buddy and i can’t seem to coordinate our schedules. Taking a walk after dark seems a bad idea by myself, but Sophia’s my only local friend and her ankle is still recovering from the accident. None of these things are valid excuses, I could be creative and find SOME way, even if i got on the floor right now and did crunches. This are just all the obstacles I’m encountering. And not a single calorie is burned trying to get around them.

In the meantime, I am trying to continue the theme of less complaining and more proactivity. I hesitate to lay out every detail in the process, because i’m really not so confident in their direction so far. But i am happy to report I’ve put in some applications and have a tentative goal in mind- God approving, of course.