February 28, 2009

i did it again

I have survived another year. Well, the verdict is technically still out until midnight, but I think my chances are pretty good.

I don't really have much to say about it all... a birthday is a birthday. I love birthdays, but age doesn't really matter to me. I've witnessed spry old ladies dancing for hours and people twice my age who've never experienced the random joys of life. Meanwhile, I've also heard the wisdom of a child and realized there are teenagers who've loved deeper than I have yet. So age schmage.... life goes at its own pace.

That's not to minimize the importance of one's special day. Let's get that clear. If I had the resources, I'd indulge in amazing celebrations for the people I love. I do try to acknowledge your day in some way. When I shake Sallie Mae and her impossible student loan debt off my back, perhaps you shall personally benefit from my imagined extravagance. :) How cool would that be? I think I really could be Stargirl...

So tomorrow..... I'm taking advantage of Disneyland's 2009 free-admission-on-your-birthday promotion. I feel kind of lousy for skipping church, but I'm not the only one going, and that's what everyone else wants to do. And since I'm dragging them to pay for tickets, I will do anything they want. It's going to be fun and I'm easy to please.

Already the weekend has been good. My co-workers are so sweet and thoughtful, and I actually got off work on time Friday night. There have been happy small moments, like putting a baby cousin to sleep and eating cereal while watching the Jetsons and Scooby-Doo this morning. And I am increasingly blessed by my time with Masquer (the theater company) and the amazing people there. Not to mention the awesome people in Ohio and Kentucky who still take the time to keep in touch and not forget about me. If only I could somehow put our two ends of the country closer together, because I miss you all so much.

I wouldn't be honest if I didn't mention that I'm in the poopy depressive down swing of the bipolar cycles. But I'm clinging to the incredibly long list of good things in my life. It's the rope that pulls me out to happiness again. You know, that and Jesus. ;)

February 21, 2009

jersey is my bff

I am sleeping beneath my own sheets, and it is heavenly.

Since it appears we will remain living with Sophia's family for awhile (and at their suggestion, so it's all cool), we ventured to storage today. Since moving out almost two years ago, we have been living without a lot of our possesions. Today we reclaimed my bed, Soph's armoire, a shelf, our games, and my desk. I now have my tall-but-double-the-storage-thanks-to-shelves-underneath bed, complete with the soft cotton jersey sheets. I write this entry between these lovely sheets that I have sorely missed. And I am momentarily content.

Claudia would like me to announce that she is officially coming to visit California in August. I, for one, am quite excited. I hope she is just as happy to be coming. Now we have the fun task of dreaming how we will spend our week. Currently on the agenda: a day in Hollywood with a performance of "Legally Blonde" at Pantages, the beach, Knott's Berry Farm, and the Museum of the Holocaust. Also playing tennis. I love my sister. I wish Becca could be here, too.

Oh, and Jolie would like you to know she's equally content with the return of the jersey sheets, as she sprawls out all over them.

It's an interesting feeling to rediscover parts of your life you've forgotten in two years.

February 17, 2009

drown out American Idol

So good news! The prodigal laptop has returned! Almost as good as new.... but so far it functions. I guess I can live without some of the bells and whistles as long as I can actually USE it.

Sometimes when I have my headphones in with my music turned up loud enough to drown everything else out, I remember what it's like to be inside the music. This is a phenomena first discovered in band and theater. When you're performing, you're enveloped in the sound, and part of it. It's safe and comforting (usually, haha). It's quite peaceful. And there's no darn American Idol. I think the world could possibly be better without American Idol.

I know i'm kind of jumping around. That's the kind of mood I'm in.

Oh, I haven't forgotten my challenges. I completed one- the early one. I tried to do it on a work day, but this proved difficult due to my living situation. Four adults plus one shower equal a very strict morning schedule. And honestly, at 5:00 in the morning, a shower is about the only productive thing I can muster. Picking out clothes ends in me staring blankly at the closet, and trying to read my devotional stuff results in the same blank stare. So instead, I woke up thirty minutes earlier on a Sunday morning. This meant that I was a)on time for church, b)able to put on my make-up BEFORE getting in the car, and c)didn't have to rush. I rather liked it. Granted, I rather like my sleep. However, it's possible that Sunday mornings could begin at 7:30a again.

Still working on the others... random acts of kindness and the live-as-homeless project. I'm trying to figure out how to separate the random acts from the day-to-day kindness that should automatically be part of our existence.

Today I tried to take a walk during my lunch break. Then it started raining (again). A quick movement in my peripheral vision caught my attention. It was a sparkly green hummingbird. It flew toward me, stopping about three feet from where I stood, then turned to fly away in an emerald blur.

We understood each other.

February 09, 2009


Ok, so my laptop is on its way to Texas for repairs. It crashed to the point of no return. And my computer-dependent heart is sad because it is still a new computer... I'm praying once it comes back to me it will be good-as-new once and for all. I'm also hoping it actually returns before my birthday.

So since I have no computer access at home, I am neglecting certain things (blogging) and staying late at work to do personal tasks after hours. I have mixed feelings about this and again pray that my laptop is soon home safely. Until then, certain personal projects are on hold (video game, devotional, etc etc etc....). But it kind of works out well, because I'm quite busy with other things.

The latest challenge is the increased crappy behavior of our church kids. Last Wednesday began with innapropriate language and disrespect by the students, and ended with me crying in the bathroom after being scolded by a church elder. At that point, the kids were left with Soph, who was shaking in anger after all their... what do I call it? Crap is the only word I can muster. They are old enough to know better, and have been in church long enough to have no excuses. And while there's a little bit of pride that makes me wonder why I am not doing a better job as a teacher, most of my frustration is because it feels like we aren't reaching them. It's as if all of our effort falls on deaf ears- or at least willingly blocked out. So I pray for solutions, because I really don't know how to help the situation.

But, there are other, happier things in the mix. I accomplished my first goal of 2009 and conquered the original Mario Bros, saving the princess! Woot! I was going to post photographic proof, but I'm rushed so you'll have to imagine it. Besides, i'm sure most of you have already done it and know what it looks like, so why wallow in my silliness? I'm still glad I did it.
I'm still loving Masquer (the theater company). My castmates are so loving and welcoming... rehearsals are a blast and just fly by. I love having music to work on... it's the happiest kind of productivity. Last night I had the chance to hang out after rehearsal and get to know some of them better. Theater people are the best. :) AND... I was asked to be part of a production of "Godspell" that will benefit a charity. This is awesome on so many levels... a)theater to help people is fantastic... b)it is such an extreme honor to be included.... c)I have been wanting to do "Godspell" for years.... d)we will be performing in Texas in June.... e)I had a glimpse of how God weaves things together in such an intricate way. So I will be working on two shows at once, but I'm completely ok with that. I have a few ideas about time management.... but I need to pray a lot about that before I try to implement it. Of course, you'll be updated more than you could care to know through the joy that is my online journaling, haha.

We have a new receptionist at work. She is terrific. Things should be a little less stressful very soon.

I'm listening to "Walkin on the Sun" by Smashmouth for it's nostalgic value.

So yes, there are obstacles in life... challenges that I don't even want to write about right now. Because they are nothing but building blocks and a chance for God to display to the world how amazing He is. Because if He can put this many good things in my messed-up existence, the possibilities of His goodness are infinite.