stalled

The following is an attempt to respark creativity in order to complete the writing of a spot....

Besides, you deserve a follow-up on the car drama.

As I walked out the door, headed to the mechanic's on Tuesday morning, Soph's mom's husband's sister (yup, that complicated) said, "I'll pray for your car!" And i drove away my check-engine-lit vehicle hoping for the best.

I arrived at the shop and handed over my keys, explaining my current car ailment. The mechanic went to investigate the issue, and i settled into the lawn chair in front of the building with my book. Ten minutes later, my car arrives right in front of me. Mr. Mechanic steps out and says,

"When I got in, the check engine light went off. The computer isn't giving me any codes. I've checked everything, and nothing's wrong. There's nothing I can do for you. Take it away!" And with a smile, he returned my keys.

And it's still running smoothly. THANK GOD!! I almost couldn't believe it, due to the high level of too-good-to-be-trueness. But considering all factors, it is the beyond what I had hoped.

Meanwhile, as I have been irritated at politics lately, I've avoided the headlines. This is probably why I didn't realize that we were having a meteor shower last night. I guess that would explain the amazing shooting star i saw when i was in the backyard last week.... But on a whim, i recruited Sophia and her mom's husband's sister (ok, her name is Missy. That's less to type. But you'll have to remember who she is if i mention her again) and headed away from the city lights.... to the canyon in the mountains up the street.

Sure enough, the mountains mostly blocked out the city light, minus the pink glow over their ridges and the light of the half moon. And we weren't the only ones who thought it would make for prime meteor viewing.... each turn-off on the dark, winding mountain road was occupied by stargazers (and at least one pair of lovers, judging by the car with the fogged up windows). But luckily we found a spot of our own, and crawled on the roof of my (now perfectly functioning) car for the best view of the sky.

We saw two beautiful meteors in the first minute. After that, they were small and infrequent. Of course, there was a good bit of passing traffic headlights to distract us. Then we heard a shower of rocks falling from the mountainside next to us. We couldn't identify the source, but wondered what could be large enough to cause that much of a racket. I half-jokingly suspected mountain lion, and tried not to envision a horrible mauling and the morning's headlines about our untimely demise. Instead, we caught quick glimpses of a few more meteors before heading home an hour later. It was a work night, after all.

when did i become boring?

i truly feel like i have nothing to say. Not as in "at this very moment", but this entire month. What's the point of typing random words just for the sake of saying "i blog"?

I used to have something to say. Freshly-penned song lyrics, the newest idea for the stage, a word about God's hand in my/our lives, the latest silly story.... Now it seems as if the well has dried up, leaving parched, dry stones of sameness.

I suppose I could talk about our random company holiday. The plan was a morning of car maintenance followed by an afternoon of groovy friend time. The oil change and "please check out this random noise" became "we're sorry, but you have a big problem with your brakes". This also meant double the cost, which cut into the funds for Claudia's trip. As a bonus, the whole ordeal lasted until six o'clock, preventing groovy friend time altogether. I've since dealt with the disappointment, and reminded myself that a) at least i had the money, b) there are plenty of things to do with Claudia on a budget, and c) better to discover it now than break down somewhere. All this would be more acceptable if my "check engine" light didn't come on twenty-four hours after leaving the mechanic....

At least there was Saturday- the family trip to the beach. Nothing much to report there... the usual sun, sand, and waves. At this point, uneventful is appreciated.

Sunday was happy rehearsal (i no longer believe there's such thing as a bad rehearsal), followed by a "quiet" evening at home. Too many people in one house is never dull- like it or not. I won't bore you with the unnecessarily dramatic details.

That leaves us here in the second week of August. I have decided that, no matter what happens, i love August 2009. Part of this is due to Claudia's arrival on Friday. The rest is thanks to the jumbled routine. Tomorrow, I will grudgingly use sick time to take my car back to the mechanic's (you'd think we have joint custody or something). Then i work a couple days, which should move quickly as i try to get things in order for my week off! A week filled with fun Claudia things. When I do return, it should move quickly with all the necessary catching up. Then before you know it, it will be Labor Day. See how these things work out?

And hopefully, if my dream plans work out, there shall be some life-changing in September. THAT should make for more interesting blog entries, no?

a holiday where there is none

i think declaring holidays is a good idea.

i also think remembering to celebrate them regularly is swell, too.

We don’t have work tomorrow. It’s a work-wide “holiday”… a random day off as a consolation prize for the pay cuts that went into effect awhile back. This means I have a three-day weekend! :) And i am very ready for some time off. I shall spend my days getting my car repaired, relaxing and hanging out, and going to the beach.

Of course, i’ll be off early next Friday, to pick Claudia up from the airport. And i won’t work all the following week and I thoroughly enjoy every minute with my sister.

I’m feeling quite optimistic about August, so far.

We celebrated another new holiday recently. Well, sort of celebrated. My sisters and i decided to declare a holiday that only we would observe. This, being the first year, was quite low key…. and, in true-to-us fashion, will be slowly celebrated as we get around to sending things to each other. It wouldn’t be authentic if it were any other way!

i know i whine about work a lot, but it’s such a relief to not have to be there. The cliché weight is lifted from my shoulders… and i could not be more content than in a few moments, when i close my eyes and know i don’t have to get up and go back to my desk yet again. :)

collected nuggets

I know. I've become a sucky blogger. But really, i'm keeping you, darling reader, from boredom and wasted time. If there were more frequent entries, you'd get all the juicy details on topics such as:

Another work day pretty much the same as the rest!

Gee, i feel like I live in my office.

Traffic: it's what we do for dinner.

Hey, FishFest today... more work, but this time in a groovy atmosphere. (and yay for overtime!)

Claudia is coming in less than three weeks. Happy.

Reason to celebrate: car paid off.

Praying that car does not break down.

Family drama (biological and adopted) that i can't post, as to not perpetuate said drama.

Masquer is still good... nothing to report yet. Except September 26th is our fundraiser dinner and it'd be cool if you came.

In a vow to exercise more, i inflated the excercise/pilates ball i have. That's pretty much as far as I've gone to use it, as I have no clue what to do with it now.

For the second night in a row, I will be going to sleep before ten.




Here's to more entertaining/informative/creative/quality entries in the near future. I love you for continuing to read this..........

put off

i have a zillion things to say.

i'm also drained. Seems to be a frequent theme lately.

First, Jolie died. We don't really know why... we have a few theories about a well-hidden illness, or the giant black widow spider we found near where she slept. Maybe it was all the fireworks for the fourth that scared her into cardiac arrest. I don't know, and I never will. So i'll spend the energy trying not to dream about her or see her out of the corner of my eye. Anyone who's never loved a cat probably thinks I'm crazy or overly dramatic.

Of course, that's a possibility, too. I'm in the middle of a depressive cycle, got period hormones helping matters, and kind of stressed out about work lately. And there's lots of drama with the people I live with. I'm trying to pull out of this funk. It's only fair to everyone around me. And it's so much easier to accomplish necessary tasks when one is perky. AND Claudia will be here in a month, and I want everything to be awesome for her. That means no mental big sister. She doesn't need that, now does she?

So major thanks and kudos to those of you who don't give up on me, who stick out my drama and moods, and even offer much-needed encouragement. I don't know what i'd do without you. And i pray I don't burn you out.

Meanwhile, in case anyone is interested in the "what i'm doing lately" stuff, here's the run-down:

-Still rehearsing for upcoming Masquer fundraiser dinner (all those in So Cal are welcome to come... hehe, don't make me beg! :) )
- having fun spending some time with my friend who visits frequently from Mississippi.. this time with her lovely father and six dogs in tow... never dull! :) Animal affection always cheers me up.
- still dreaming of kicking my workplace to the curb. Though money and responsibility is necessary (and keeping me there), there has GOT to be a better way than all this drama and stress. I really don't think this was what God had in mind for our lives. Anyone want to hire a freelance writer for an extraordinary amount of money?
- I wrote some lyrics and might post them here, but i fear it's too emo.
- I got the new Regina Spektor album, and love it. However, tickets to her concert at the El Rey sold out, and a tiny little itty bitty piece of my heart broke. I'm still hoping there's some kind of miracle and someone I know has tickets/knows how to get tickets/tickets magically appear on my door step some morning. The Lord has worked many miracles of this sort in the past, perhaps He's a Regina fan, too? I have hope. That's something.

Right?

poop in a sugar cone

One of the radio hosts I work with says that politics is our faith in action.

Meanwhile, Tony Campolo (and i think G.K. Chesterton) liken the mix of politics and religion to horse manure and ice cream. The horse manure isn't any worse, but it ruins the ice cream (you can decide which is which).

Shane Claiborne opts for living as separated from the government as possible in his book, "Jesus for President".

My pastor brings up controversial political subjects more frequently since the 2008 presidential campaign. He explains it is our responsibility to be a light in the world by fighting for Godly values, and that includes in the political arena.

What do I think? I find myself torn between standing up for what I know to be true, and the benefits of church and state separation. I believe in freedom, and the gift of free will.... but I also care about humanity- a collection of individual brothers and sisters- and want the peace and happiness that comes from living Godly lifestyles. How can I sleep at night if i don't do everything I can to serve God and fellow man? How can I claim to believe what the Bible says, but not reflect that with my actions or my vote? Wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? How do you balance letting a person live their own life before it becomes a lack of caring or concern? Because "love your neighbor" seems like you should have at least a drop of compassion for their well-being- and that includes their soul.

Until then, i will try to live my faith instead of simply giving lip service to ideals. My actions should be speaking louder than my words. I'm still wary of the greed and manipulation of politics, and the hazard of biased media and incomplete facts.

It's all a work in progress.

antisocial

There are a ton of people at our house, celebrating Father’s Day, a cousin turning three, and a sister in from out of town. A minute ago, i had to usher a group of kids out of my room. While I didn’t mind the high-schoolers using my computer briefly, i could do without the middle-schoolers eating chocolate cake on my bed spread and pre-schoolers grabbing anything they could reach to use as a toy.

I could try to describe the convoluted family tree, which includes my roommate’s extended family, her stepdad’s relatives, and beyond…. but it’s entirely confusing and not worth the hassle. While I am always blessed to be considered part of the family, selfishly, i am a bit sad to see my weekend already over. Most of yesterday was spent getting ready for today, and though there were many fun moments, i’m restricted in my activities. I feel rude not helping more (and will likely soon venture out of my sanctuary to gather discarded napkins and salvage recyclables). But at the same time…. unlike many here, i have a job that sucks up my week. Weekends are my only chance to do my own stuff. And next week is another family birthday party, so we might as well copy and paste this entry again seven days from now.

I suppose it’s pathetic to continue whining over this living situation. i SHOULD be counting my blessings

*********************

The next day…..

My writing was interrupted by a call to help clean, as predicted. This was followed by conversation in the backyard, and a good night’s sleep. When I re-read the previous paragraphs, i feel selfish, rude, and whiny (despite any elements of truth that are also included). The big picture includes good times with precious people, and every moment can’t be a picnic. It just doesn’t work that way. I am VERY, VERY blessed, and i have no right to ever forget that.

i have absolutely nothing to say

Isn’t this the stereotypical description of a blogger? Feeling all self-important for having a blog and writing with nothing of importance to say? Phenomenal.

I’m bored and irritated, and there is very little i’m in the mood to do. And a night with time to do anything i darn well feel like doing has been on my wish list for awhile. In fact, i purposely wrote “PLAN NOTHING” on both my large desk calendar and pocket planner. And the lazy day started quite well. I slept in. I did my chores when I got around to them. i ate when i felt hungry instead of when i needed something to lift my spirits or avoid something i didn’t want to do. There was even a casual wal*mart trip for essentials like deodorant and cat food (and non-essentials, like beads and body spray).

So when was the mood-killing crankiness birthed? Perhaps it was the moment that Sophia and I couldn’t decide which movie to see (who in America DOESN’T want to see “Up”?? i thought for sure that’d be a winner….). Or maybe it was my stupid decision to open my mouth and confess that i didn’t care about Jennifer Aniston’s love life? The beginning doesn’t matter as much as the end result- a fight and cancelled plans, leaving Saturday night devoid of both plans and the motivation to enjoy it (and i refuse to go into details about the argument, out of respect for my roommate).

i explored my options… nintendo, beading or other craftiness, painting, guitar-playing, reading, journaling….. but declined so not to create unoriginal emo-art of any sort. I settled on watching E! (perhaps some kind of pop-culture penance for the previously-mentioned Aniston gaffe?), but Chelsea Handler and Joel McHale did not satisfy the companionship i sought. And i ended up here, online, again.

Perk: chatting with a friend. :) Non-perk (what IS the opposite of perk?): discovering creepy website, lookupanyone-dot-com (i do NOT want to promote them). With just my first and last name (available to anyone any shred of search skills) and forty bucks, you can find a list of places i’ve lived (down to the “hometown” i’ve never actually lived in- people, i’ve moved more than ten times!), and relatives… they even have my grandmother’s name, and my mom and sister’s middle name. While I know the internet is one worldwide bulletin board, this just irritated me and creeped me out.

Where does that leave me? Still cranky and unmotivated, too early to sleep but too late to do anything, and one random blog entry.

step aside, tina fey

Time for another weekend update….

On Saturday, I had the opportunity to go hang out with my friend Jen, and her husband, Bob. They had flown all the way from the midwest to San Diego, so it only seemed fair for me to drive a mere couple hours south, right? y l

Not that San Diego is a horrible place to spend a Saturday. Bob and Jen were staying right near Seaport Village, a little tourist-y shopping area that I had yet to check out. They introduced me to a little restaurant on the water, but sadly there was little time to check out the shopping (which simply means I’ll have to return. pity.). But it was fantastic to visit with them! Jen belongs on my list of people-i-wish-i-could-spend-time-with-regularly.

Since I was in the vicinity, I also spent time with my friend Shelly. We randomly went to the San Diego zoo for the afternoon. Shelly used to work with me, and i’ve really missed her since she moved. So the combination of hanging out with her plus checking out the animals and zoo stuff was fantastic.

My little independent day trip was just happy. :)

But if that wasn’t enough to make for a good, high quality weekend…. rehearsal began for the next Masquer show the very next day! The cast reassembled (well, some of us) for more of a meeting than rehearsal. The Godspell-in-Texas production has been indefinitely postponed, and we will be doing a fundraiser dinner in September. While everyone (and hopefully some of you, hint, hint ;) ) is eating, we’ll be performing scenes from past and future productions.

After rehearsal, it was back to Sara and Ryan’s for dinner with everyone. It’s always good to be among amazing friends. Masquer time is just happy….

So after such a blissfully wonderful weekend, how could a wave of depression hit so hard? Why do i operate like this? I try to remind myself that it’s just brain chemicals gone askew, but that only goes so far to not feel like the world is caving in. I can ignore it and act like everything is normal- to a point. i’m still incredibly irritable at work, i still lack the desire to do anything (including the chest-high pile of laundry in my closet….. as long as i still have SOMEthing to wear, right?). Part of me wants to push to get out of the funk, while the rest of me knows it’s almost futile to try to force it to pass more quickly. The only solution i’ve found is a balance between laying in bed staring at the ceiling and forced acts of normalcy. Thank goodness for those theatrical skills. i’ll just act like i feel ok, until eventually i do.

But for tonight, i’ll listen to my melancholy playlist until i fall asleep.

am i missing it?

Supposedly, it's storming. This is the view from my office:

i was happy to take the mail down to the mailbox to see for myself what kind of weather was actually happening. Sure enough, rain (no sign of thunder or lightning). I took a deep breath to enjoy that cool, dampness... and got a big gulp of secondhand cigarette smoke. I fully support any measures to ban smoking in public places. I'm sorry if you smokers think I'm infringing on your rights, but you're infringing on MY right to oxygen.

Meanwhile, this weekend was pretty darn amazing:

Friday night- pay day! Translation: finally able to go to Target for groceries and necessities! Woot! To celebrate, Sophia introduced me to Chipotle. Which I liked, but perhaps the hype was more than necessary, since I wasn't wowed. At the end of the night, before bed, i mentioned to Sophia how much fun I had, and asked if she did, too. She said buying things she needs wasn't fun, but buying what we WANT. That struck me as interesting, because I wanted what I needed.

Saturday- HIKING! I happily anticipated this excursion for weeks. I hadn't been hiking since I moved here in 2003. To add to the tragic irony, I live five minutes from mountains with fantastic hiking trails. But until this weekend, I had no hiking buddies to ensure i wouldn't make headline news by getting lost. And it was an amazing day. The trip was challenging, but just enough so it was still very fun. I'm still getting to know the people I went with, so it was nice to spend time with good company. Beautiful scenery, fresh air, out of the city noise and craziness, no cell phones..... happy. We crossed streams (well, one stream multiple times) and enjoyed woods-y shade, walked over rocks in the sun, and took desert-like paths with plants that speared you if you weren't careful. Our destination was 4.5 miles in, a bridge that was once a work project in the thirties. Anything resembling "road" had long since been washed out by floods, and the project was abandoned before they got to the next important step- blasting through the mountain to give the bridge a destination. So now it is aptly named "Bridge to Nowhere" and serves as a bungee jump site. Check out my pics (there's a link off to the left side here labeled "my pics") for the incredible views!

Sunday- church in the morning, a quick spurt of house cleaning, then I got to hang out with my friend, Corina. It's rare for our schedules to match, so to celebrate, we explored and found the one Sonic in our area! Something else I've missed since 2003.... ocean water slushies! When I returned home, I discovered family gathering for a campfire in the backyard. Hot dog and marshmallow roasting were made complete with stories. Even Jolie came to sit on my lap and purr.

Is it any wonder I live for weekends?