obedient

Yoshi has moved beyond potty-training to obeying other commands! We can now “sit” and “stay”, and are working on “lie down”. I have a few fun commands I want to teach her, and am still trying to figure out how to train her to do something useful, like make me breakfast.

In other news, I am officially on summer break for school! I tried to take an intro-to-acting course, but my work schedule would have caused me to violate the attendance policy. And since there are no other classes available that I actually need to take, I’m off until fall semester! This threw me for a loop at first, because of the details of student loan deferment. But, as usual, God worked out the details and gave me a couple of months without classes or homework.

Additionally, my theater involvement is a little less demanding for this show. The Job script is written, and now I’m available for any necessary rewrites between now and opening night. I’ll still be on hand for set construction or other needs, but since I’m not part of the onstage cast, my rehearsal schedule is quite flexible. Could it be possible for me to live a slower-paced lifestyle this summer?

My first instinct was to say, “Now I have time to ______”, and fill that blank with a number of activities I’ve been wanting to do but lacked the time. These include playing my guitar, painting, or other acts of creativity…. or take a yoga class at the studio down the street… or more beach bonfires… or audition for another local theater group…. or catch up on reading… not to mention diving and hiking and such. But, I at least have the presence of mind to realize that is not a good way to “slow down”. So not planning these things, but leaving room to do most of them spontaneously is my best attempt at a balanced lifestyle.

Until then, I do still have workchurch (with upcoming Vacation Bible School) to keep me busy. I don’t know why I seem to require “busyness”, and I really don’t know how to NOT overload my schedule with activities. But I’m going to try- truly give an honest effort- to at least use the summer to attempt this. Meanwhile, how do YOU keep from being too overloaded, stressed, or busy? Suggestions are welcome!

vacating

Being a film student means that final exams go beyond a written test and require a project. This means that “finals week” is actually two weeks to include filming, editing, and studying. Luckily, these are things I enjoy doing. However, it still makes for a crazy couple of weeks spent juggling schedules like tetris pieces, trying to fit all necessary tasks and deadlines into measly 24-hour days.

Thankfully, my reward for accomplishing this (with A’s in both classes, in case anyone wondered :) ) was a visit from my lovely cousin, Bethany!

Bethany had never been to California, so I gladly took the opportunity to make sure all essentials were covered. Of course, the best part was spending an entire week with her! But if these mad tour guide skills intrigue you, I’d be happy to share them with you on your next visit to Los Angeles.

Here are some of the highlights:

-Driving down the coast for a beautiful view of the sun setting over the ocean.

- Bethany got to experience a typical Sunday in the life-of-mal: the church were I worked and auditions for “Job” at the theater.

- Aquarium of the Pacific

 

- California Pizza Kitchen, In-N-Out, Granny’s Yogurt, Ruby’s, & Petrillo’s Pizza

- a beach bonfire

 

- hiking in the mountains

- Hollywood, including seeing the set-up for the “Green Lantern” movie premiere, a visit to Madame Tussauds  Wax Museum, and being part of the Jimmy Kimmel Live studio audience (guests were Chef Gordon Ramsey and Glee’s Mike O’Malley).  

- a trip to Disneyland

 

- and just good old-fashioned hanging out… playing old school nintendo, watching “A Mighty Wind”, laying out and boogie boarding at the beach, walking Yoshi and Tootsie, and a trip to Build-A-Bear.

 

I got used to Bethany being here, and it was sad to see her go! My fingers are crossed that she gets to come back very, very soon. Meanwhile, I have returned to “real life”. Though my summer school plans did not work out, and I suddenly find myself the blessing of a slower pace. Without classes and homework, I have more free time. I am also not in the cast for the summer play, but will only be assisting with work days and script rewrites. I suppose this is my opportunity to do what I’m supposed to be doing- slowing down. The challenge is not to say, “Oh, I have time for ______ now!”, and filling that blank space with new or different activities, leaving me as rushed and busy as before. So the theme of my summer will be a balanced lifestyle. Then I’ll be ready to go full force in the fall…. or does that defeat the purpose?

going to the store to get milk

I didn’t think about it until just now, but yesterday was one month since I left the hospital. It’s even more notable, since yesterday was pretty much the first day I was consistently in an actual, honest good mood.

It’s not to say there haven’t been good moments this month, because blessings have flowed in and out of the frustrations, med-induced side effects, and busy schedule. However, each day has been an attempt to catch up on all the things that had fallen behind the day before- a domino effect snowballing out of control. But something about yesterday was different. Perhaps it was being the very first day on new medication, and none of the side effects were able to make their way through my blood stream. Maybe it was completing the second day of filming for finals at school, and the relief of accomplishment boosted some hidden endorphins. Could it have been the pleasant weather that is working it’s way toward summer (albeit slower than I’d prefer, but who am I to direct the sunshine and clouds)? Or maybe it was the brief study/work break spent frolicking on the beach with Kelly, Yoshi, and Tootsie. Whatever the reason- or combination of factors- it worked. And that’s how I found myself standing on the street corner in the evening, contentedly waiting for the red light to turn green and the “hand” to turn into a “man” that permitted me to cross, carrying the milk I just picked up from the store. I took a deep breath of night air with just a touch of sea breeze, and realized I that I noticed colors, details, sounds, smells- pieces of life that have been recently subdued by the combination of medication, stress, and my messed-up brain.

I crossed the street and made my way down the sidewalk towards home. I couldn’t help but make a quick review of the past month while remembering a snippet of earlier conversation with Kelly. It involved an incident with another friend who’d experienced similar struggles. Without going through my past few months, I wouldn't have been able to relate or help him in any way. And this wasn’t the first- or last- time God has used my own challenges to reach another soul. While finding some kind of purpose in pain can be comforting, does that mean that God caused all of this mess just to bring me/us to this moment?

I don’t think that’s the whole story. Because while the Lord is most definitely sovereign, my own choices shaped my situation as well. And, unfortunately, the devil had a little bit of input, too. Between the two of us- Satan and me- we created quite a disaster. Yet, God still has the final say in the outcome, and His ultimate ending is always beautiful. Since I was little, I imagined God and the devil in some kind of martial arts hand-to-hand combat. I envisioned Satan pulling some smooth move that would bring everything down- a symbolic roundhouse kick, if you will. But then God just laughs, and in some kind of divine Chuck Norris style, grabs Satan’s foot mid-kick, twisting him around and bringing him crashing to the ground. The move Satan intended to be catastrophic ends up being the very thing that led to God’s victory- because God was always in control of the fight.

God can redeem my mess. I’m not fighting with God, but I can make some pretty crappy choices. This doesn’t make my sin any less sin-ny, but knowing that He can take my scraps and dried up paint and create a gorgeous masterpiece…. does that blow anyone else’s mind?

One last thought: my reading this morning included Luke 22:31. Jesus is talking to the disciples at the Last Supper, preparing them for the coming events of His death. In this particular moment, Jesus is reminding them to remain humble and foreshadowing the ways they are all going to screw up in the next couple of days. He says to Peter, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”     

Life may become difficult, Satan may strike, and we are going to make a mess. But Jesus prayed for Simon- God is working for us, for me, for you. And after the storm, when we have turned back to better days, we can strengthen our brothers and sisters. Could it be that we go back for each other so no one is left behind? And this is why we canNOT give up when things get hard, because the chaos and catastrophe are not how the story ends- not for us, and not for those we love. Instead, that very chaos and catastrophe are the paint and brush in God’s hand as He creates the most beautiful picture you have ever seen, or could even imagine.

I’ll end this before my own tears come again, because these words are not being shouted from a soapbox, but whispered to my own heart. I’m learning along the way, and I promise, when I have turned back, that I will reach out a hand to strengthen you, too.

navigating without a map

The walk down the church hallway was breezy with the faint smell of ocean. Our church is housed in what was once a business complex. Like many buildings in southern California, there are courtyards and open-air hallways- great on the many sunny days, a bit of a hassle on the rare rainy ones. But today boasts sunshine despite the cool breeze, and I smiled as I breathed in the light sea air. Then, I marveled at how rare these moments have become.

I’ve been struggling with how to jump back into regular blogging. The past month’s journey has included many personal challenges, many unsuitable for a public forum. It seems as though the fight for balance between honest writing and necessary privacy will never be resolved.

The April-of-Insanity lived true to its name, a strange blend of over-the-top busyness and my brain taking a nose-dive into the pool of bipolar hell. Such dark times feel impossible, and I couldn’t have survived it without the loved ones who walk beside me, at times leading me by the hand back into the light. They truly carry God’s love into tangible action.

Now, I write from “the other side”- you know, that place where you’ve walked through the rock-bottom valley and can turn around and see where you’ve been. You can also look forward to see you still have quite a way to go, because the journey is not over. But it’s only supposed to improve from here. And I suppose you’re wondering where “here” is…

“Here” is living day-by-day, keeping up with the tasks that continue to accumulate despite my slower-than-usual pace. “Here” is on medication again, a daily pill that provides the service of crazy-control in exchange for a long list of side effects that interfere with daily existence. “Here” worries less about the stigma of having bipolar disorder than just taking care of all the details required to manage it all. “Here” tries not to be frustrated with the inability to do everything myself, and instead gratefully relies on my friend-family for support. And “Here” wonders if life will ever be normal again.

So, to wrap it all up (for now)….. I have grown from hopeless to looking to God for a hope that never dies. Each day does have quite enough trouble of it’s own, so I’m not even going to try to worry about tomorrow (or the next day, or the day after that…). And when those peaceful moments of sunshine and ocean breeze occur, I will cherish them as precious- because that’s exactly what they are.

touch of tenderness

When I sat down on the couch in my new fuzzy Easter socks, clouds filled the sky. I opened the windows to fill the living room with warm breeze and mentally crossed my fingers for a little thunder and lightning.

Now, the sky is blue and filled with sunlight. Go figure. At least it will make my drive to the theater a little easier. Despite knowing everything is fine, I can’t help but be a bit cautious on that 91 freeway in the rain. The memories of February’s accident are still pretty clear in those conditions.

Back to my now-sunny couch time. The dogs are playing with new toys from my PastorBoss. She so kindly and generously blessed me with an Easter basket this morning! I was so surprised! And she included some puppy toys for Yoshi (who, of course, was nice enough to share with Tootsie- in exchange for avoiding a smackdown, I’m sure).

There’s a little over an hour before I have to leave, and I suppose a nap would be a wise preparation for a late evening of performance. Part of me feels like I should do something special, since it’s a holiday and all, but my options are pretty limited. Due to the scheduling of WorkChurch and the show, this time is probably best spent chilling with these oh-so-patient dogs before they are confined to my room for the rest of the night while we’re gone.

If I am honest, I can’t pretend that I didn’t think about the fact that I’m spending a lot of Easter Sunday alone. It felt like Christmas day all over again. The textbook “right” answer is that we’re never alone because God is always with us…. and while that’s true, for some reason, it doesn’t always feel comforting. It hasn’t been so bad though, today. Love from church families is fantastic, and I’ll be spending the evening with my theater family. So it’s not a bad way to spend Resurrection Sunday. :)

There’s a lot going on in my life right now that I won’t share in a public space. You that have known me for awhile are somewhat familiar with the ups and downs of my chemically-imbalanced brain. This season of vulnerability was met with a thoughtful gift this morning, sweet kindness that drew out a few tears before a morning filled with smiles, kids, and hidden Easter eggs. And this is just one example of God’s grace delivered by the hands of caring friends. Small acts of love make a big difference- that’s been the theme of my April-of-Insanity. I have friends who impact my life more than they are aware. These are gifts that are never forgotten.

cheers

Greetings, from the April of Insanity!

Today has been a welcome rest after seventeen days of constant activity. Sleeping, homework, and sitcoms from the 80’s have recharged my batteries for the next two weeks. At least, that’s the plan.

My goodness, it’s been so long since I’ve written. I’ll try to break this up with pictures to make it an easier read. Shall we begin with a cute puppy?

Yoshi continues to grow and be adorable. We’re still working on that whole housebreaking thing. Remarkably, she can hold it all night when we sleep, and for seven or eight hours during these recent long tech rehearsals and performances of “Risen”. Yet, on days when we’re home and going out every two hours, she can’t resist the urge to baptize the floor. Go figure. In other news, Tootsie is still her hero.

Also, we have recently discovered a dog beach. Yoshi isn’t yet convinced that she digs the ocean, but she sure digs the sand (see what i did there?). She also loves meeting other dogs, no matter if they are a zillion times her size! I fully intend on working on her love of the sea as we continue to make this one of our hang-outs.

  

 

WorkChurch is moving along and right in the midst of Easter happenings. Yesterday, we had a special Palm Sunday service that really involved the kids. We walked through Holy Week from the triumphal entry through Jesus’ arrest, using drama, special readings, and hands-on experience with the Passover meal. Sometimes, it’s refreshing to depart from a traditional service in favor of creative family worship! We have an egg-hunt next Sunday, then an awards ceremony the following week. It’s festive when children’s ministry is humming along at full speed! Of course, my favorite thing is that, now that i’ve been at this church for almost a year, the kids and I have gotten to know each other more. Last night, one church family even came to see “Risen”. Seeing that three-year-old boy get excited about the show was quite heart-warming. :)

This was from a recent trip to the local aquarium:
 

School is school… nothing horribly interesting to report. Classes are increasingly fun the more hands-on stuff we get to do with the camera. I got a bit more editing experience with this last project, a short documentary about the school’s cosmetology program. Also, I was selected to be the “field correspondent” for the on-camera demonstration. Look at my hair! (ok, i know, you’re really looking at the puppy. ;) )

 

“Risen” is, of course, a big event this month. We just completed opening weekend, and performances have been fantastic. However, approximately half the cast has been pretty sick at least at some point this weekend. Yet, God always steps in. It’s crazy- one minute they’ll be miserable and barely able to utter a note, then when it’s time to take the stage, they sing beautifully and move as if they have abundant energy. The audience has also seemed to be quite blessed as well. It’s such an honor and privilege to be part of such an incredible project. If you’re in the area, I enthusiastically invite you to come see the show this weekend or next! And all of you should check out photos of the show here.

    I love that one of Kelly!  And if you’re wanting to know a bit more about the show, you can always read my theater blog.

 

Alright, did I miss anything? Yes, there are many other details that fill in the cracks of this insane schedule, but I think I’ve left you with quite enough for one evening. There’s only a few hours left in the evening before I’m off and running again in the morning. Midterms are this week, after all. And Easter. And more show. And…….

my life in poop

After a seemingly infinite wait, the day finally arrived…. bringing with it a tiny little bundle of fur, energy, and messes. Meet Yoshi.

She’s half chihuahua/half poodle (chipoodle, if you will?), and quite sweet. Yoshi is also the typical playful puppy, much to Tootsie’s slight irritation. Well, she doesn’t seem to mind the playing as much as the biting. But I think we all feel that way.

So now my schedule revolves around the frequency of my puppy’s bladder. Outside walks every two hours, and trying not to leave her alone in the house for horribly long stretches….. that kind of thing. And so far, it’s been slowly moving in the right direction toward housebreaking. Yay!

In other news, I’m at that familiar stressful place where work gets busy, school is in full swing, and a show opens in a few weeks. Thankfully God and a little bit of mania provide necessary energy. Everything is racing along, and I’m thankful to be healthy again.

So that’s life for now…. workchurch, rehearsal, school, puppy. Relay for Life is on Saturday, and I’m super short on donations this year (so feel free to help! My Relay page is http://tinyurl.com/4dnwmh5). I know the stretches between entries have been long, but it’s just been a mass of busyness with not much time for blogging, nor colorful stories that are fun to read. Wait, that’s probably not true. There’s always a story…. but for now, I’ll just leave you with a couple more puppy shots. Of course, I already need to update them. In the few short weeks since she’s moved in, she’s already growing so fast!

Half the time they get along, the other half, Yoshi is a pest and Tootsie is a grouch….

 

Mrs. Ladypant is her favorite toy!

walking palace of germs

Perhaps traipsing barefoot in wet grass at twilight is not the best method for getting over sickness. But isn’t the sheer desire to traipse at all a significant sign of pending healthiness? So with Tootsie in tow, we enjoyed the few last moments of daylight before the night chill set in.

I suppose I should’ve learned my lesson on Saturday. A sudden warm day screamed “Beach!!” loudly and clearly. So with sniffly noses, a sudden burst of energy, and a touch of cabin fever, Kelly and I went down the street to visit the tide pools. It was a glorious afternoon break from the usual Saturday busyness, set to the soundtrack of saltwater waves against rock, lit expertly by the sun and his crew of clouds. Face-to-face with urchins and hermit crabs in the palms of our hands, I could hear the sea call us back under with the promise of warmer water for dives in the near future.

Of course i felt sick again by Monday.

Nevermind the emergen-c and zicam campaign i’ve been waging since the end of February. It has only prolonged whatever disease is being passed around my friends and castmates. I managed to live in denial for almost a week before succumbing to the sore throat, tired, achy, mucus-y time-waster that is illness. Thankfully, that week included my birthday- a day hanging out with friends at the local mini-golf/laser tag/rock wall place, followed by a delicious dinner. Sadly, it postponed other fun birthday plans, including a trip to the local sea lion care center. I’ve traded in fun outings and even some responsibilities for extra sleep and sitcoms on netflix. This is all good and fine for a day or two, but it’s getting rather old as we near the end of the second week of germfest 2011.

But the energy to take Tootsie out for a walk tonight leaves me with optimism and a glimpse of the light at the end of sick tunnel. And, if all goes according to plan, I’ll be taking lots of walks after this weekend, when Yoshi the puppy finally arrives in L.A. So I better have energy for the frequent walks required of housebreaking… and chasing after a non-stop puppy!

water

After a warm late-night shower (by scented candlelight), I am cozy and relaxed in my jersey sheets. Wrapped in my favorite worn grey hoodie with the sound of rain lazily dropping on the window, why would i want to be anywhere else?

Because taking a walk in the rain sounds like fun.

Nevermind that it’s after ten o’clock and a mere fifty-four degrees out there. Forget that I have wet hair from the shower already, and our neighborhood is not exactly peaceful suburbia. I want to go for a walk in the rain, and that’s all there is to it.

And though it takes all my rational thought, I won’t do it. I don’t have time to get sick. I’m rehearsing a show, there’s school and work, various other upcoming plans…. “it’s not a responsible decision,” i repeat to myself as I fight the urge to dance in the frigid raindrops.

And thus is mania.

mountains of things

Sometimes stacks are a good way to organize. Things can be ordered by priority, sorted by whatever means appropriate. As my life seems to be divided into varying categories, i’m a big fan of the stack system. That is, until the stacks grow and surround me, imprisoning me in an out-of-control task list.

But i’m never overly dramatic (insert sarcasm font here).

As the school semester begins this week, there are many stacks to burn through (hey, that’s not a bad idea. well, quicker at least). Many stacks hold the same priority level. Sometimes I imagine these priorities pointlessly color-coded like airport security levels. Just as I have no clue if “orange” is more or less urgent than “yellow”, perhaps looking at the stacks chronologically makes more sense. Let’s pick up from my last entry, shall we?

Stack One: Car and accident
Merely four days after the actual incident, I found myself in a new car. Perhaps this was deserving of an entry of its own, chronicling my first vehicle purchase on my own (without ANYone along to make sure i didn’t screw it up!). This was both liberating and a little frightening, in addition to the remaining cloud of “overwhelmed” that refused to leave my still-shocked self. But as we all know by now, “on my own” never truly means “alone”. I found my car at Enterprise, the same place that supplied my insurance-provided rental. My payments and interest are low, and they deferred my down payment until the insurance issued the check from my totaled Cavalier (may it rest in much-deserved peace). Warranties and roadside assistance are included, and they gave me seven days to drive it and change my mind if needed. That seven days was a HUGE nerve-calmer for me as it removed some of the decision-making pressure! So now I have a little Hyundai Accent, much newer and lower in mileage than I expected. My favorite thing is that I can plug in my ipod. :)
Other related items in this stack include insurance, physical therapy to ensure no lasting back and neck injury, and other details that only make for boring reading. And it took an entire week of handling all these logistics before emotions caught up with me. Thank goodness for a supportive roommate who made me stop trying to work, and just go to my room to cry. Once that was out, the difference was incredible.

Stack Two: Job
That’s Job with the long “o”, as in the Biblical dude, not an occupation (that’s another stack). This stack is one part the actual project of working on the script and the rest the challenges of God letting me walk through trials. Though perhaps these are intermingled. I’ll spare you the mundane details, but besides the aforementioned wreck, there has been various financial challenges, conflicts with friends, and many changes of my “best-laid plans”. I counted on my usual tax refund to be much smaller than usual with the changes of 2010- but i did not expect to actually owe the government a little bit of money (thus changing my source of eye exam and new contacts for the year). Sallie Mae- who we lovingly refer to as “dear aunt sallie” with every possible ounce of sarcasm dripping from our tone- decided this was a good time for some student loan-related drama. All of the phone calls between insurance company and dear-aunt-sallie and who knows what else resulted in my phone bill doubling this month. Yesterday, due to a rough, sleepless night on Sunday, i missed my first swim class. This means I was dropped from the roster for absence on the first day. Then there was the whole spacebarwon’twork fiasco that prevented me from completing necessary work. There's other stuff, but you get the idea. This kind of list is pretty long for such a short period of time.

BUT.

Yes, there’s a “but”, because this IS the Job stack, after all. For every crappy challenge, there’s been some kind of victory. Some of these successes seem grander than others, some are still waiting for resolution. That’s the faith and trust part, I suppose. Yesterday, for example, God reminded me in a still, small moment that I have a LOT going on and a swim class for fun was a little unnecessary. Also, I would save gas (translation: dollars) for driving to campus less. Meanwhile, a phone call to verizon to determine why my bill was so large was met with the kindest customer service rep I have ever met. Maybe she picked up on my slightly bitter chuckle when she greeted the call with “happy valentine’s day”. Or perhaps compassion hit her when i realized just how many minutes i had gone over and i held back tears and said something about, “oh, crap all those calls about the accident”. But she kindly credited my account $20 just to help. Not solving it, but making a difference- in more ways than just dollar amount. At the same time, some supportive theater friends fixed the space bar that now works. There's other stuff, but you get the idea. And this kind of list is pretty long as well, for such a short period of time.

And it goes on. I walked into the first day of this semester’s production class today to see a few familiar faces from previous classes- friendly faces that said “hi” with a smile. What a change from feeling invisible on campus this past year! (not that this was a horrible thing, it’s just part of being new and having little in common with most of my classmates.) After class, one man stopped to say hi. He sat behind me in Screenwriting in the fall, where we exchanged the occasional hello or laughed over something in class. Somehow, today’s very brief conversation revealed that this was a “divine appointment”- those odd meetings that can only be God-arranged. He has been seeking the Lord a little lately, and dealing with some difficulties- some even car-related, ironically. Some of these recent “Job” circumstances really seemed to impact him. And I would’ve never chosen to share these things with a near-stranger without prompting from the Holy Spirit. After, as I walked back to my car, I knew that I wouldn’t have been much use if I hadn’t experienced all of this other stuff. If my life were perfect and easy, how could I relate to anyone? I don’t think this is the complete key to understanding human suffering or anything. But I do believe it is an important point, a key piece in the larger puzzle.

Stack Three: The Daily Grind
It never stops. I’m so glad it never stops, those regular events that keep me (us?) moving forward. WorkChurch is in full swing, with a Fun Day next week full of games, crafts, and activities while the kids are off school for President’s Day. Outings and programs and Easter services loom cheerfully on the horizon. Then there is theater. We’re preparing for our Easter show, rehearsing and creating the set and reviewing music in the car (i’m convinced that we ALL use the car as rehearsal space). If you’re interested, I’m blogging through the production here. I know, as if this post wasn’t long-winded enough…
And there’s school, of course. A couple production-related classes should keep me pretty busy. I’m already looking forward to the one I started today. I had more hands-on time with the camera today than my entire fall semester combined. This equates to happiness in my world.

So on THAT note, I suppose I should return to the actual stacks of tasks calling my attention. Challenges remain and threaten to distract me from more important matters. But either I trust God or I don’t. Do I believe the words that come out of my mouth in good times as much as when seasons become darker? And just because things are not the way I planned or how I think they should be, does that mean that life is horrible? Of course not. When the adventure has ended and stories are told, the best moments come from the trouble and challenges. This is my adventure, and from the beginning, I knew it would not be easy. Remember that cheesy remake of “The Haunting”? Lili Taylor says she can choose to either be a victim or a volunteer, and she would rather be the volunteer and plunge into the adventure of the ghostly mystery instead of plagued by a haunted house. She had a point. Either I’m going to freak out when I hit “white water rapids” of overwhelming challenges, or I’m going to strap on my helmet and enjoy the thrilling adrenaline of the ride.

And I’m pretty sure you know me well enough by now to guess how I feel about such adventures.