calculation

See, i’m being consistent. Today’s title is brought to you by “The Calculation” by Regina Spektor.

I started writing this a week ago, but got busy/lazy (there’s a fine line). Today is Saturday. It might be my last free Saturday for awhile, so I’ve tried to relax. I might have been too successful, as I have achieved that moment where boredom and laziness meet. You might remember the experience as a child, where you couldn’t think of a single thing to do that sounded remotely appealing.

My notes from the beginning of this entry a week ago were “last night, bike, coming week plans”. Let’s address them, shall we?

“last night”- This really means last Friday night, which was fantastically fun in many ways. I ditched Friday night traffic from work at the OC office to home in Azusa in favor of hanging out with a couple friends in that area. (Last night’s hellish hour-and-a-half crawl home confirmed that this was indeed a good decision.) The evening began with tuna melts, rock band, and general quality conversation. It ended at the beach, which is never a bad decision. I laid on the sand between two dear friends, listening to the waves keep rhythm as seals sang in the distance. Up above, stars danced between constellations. These are happy moments that I save to relive when things get bad.

“bike”- There’s a bicycle in the garage leftover from Soph’s stepdad’s sister. I rode it the other day, and it was crazy fun. However, I have been too lazy/busy to ride it since. Though i’m considering taking it out in a minute to enjoy the exercise before the week-long rain begins.

“coming week plans”- eh, this wasn’t too exciting. I worked. I did register to do extra work with Central Casting, and will try to make that happen at the end of next week. I’m back and forth between Glendale and Orange County as the January-month-of-transition continues. Oh, and rehearsals for the Masquer Easter show start tomorrow, so woot.

So I will leave you with a short devotional thing I wrote for my parents’ church in Ohio. Enjoy:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”
-Proverbs 3:5-6

It’s that time again. Every so often, life seems to turn upside down. There are changes, decisions, and questions. It would all be so much simpler if God’s will were easier to understand. I’ve begged and pleaded for it all- a divine billboard, a heavenly roadmap, or some kind of meeting where God and I could sit down and discuss strategy. Instead, He hands me a jigsaw puzzle.
You don’t complete an entire puzzle at once, but piece by piece. You examine each part and focus on one area at a time. The edge pieces create the frame, while similar colors fit together. The top of the box acts as a reference, showing the whole picture and the final goal. And God works like that, too. He doesn’t give us a cross-country map, but step-by-step instructions. Sometimes He shows us the big picture, and other times, just enough so we know what to do with the pieces in our hand.
Remember Moses? If God showed him the big picture, Moses would never have known how to go from baby-sitting sheep in the wilderness to leading a nation to the promised land. Yet, his shepherd skills trained him to baby-sit the Israelite “sheep” wandering the desert all those years. God’s perfect method guided Moses from a burning bush to negotiating with Pharaoh, and all the way to the revealing of His glory.
My favorite part of a jigsaw puzzle is fitting the last piece in place and marveling at the completed picture. How much more amazing is each step of God’s journey when we’ve arrived at His big picture destination?

no place to hide

What if all my entries were titled after the song I listened to while writing? Today’s would be “No Place to Hide” by Alison Krauss and Union Station. Perhaps I shall try that. As a bonus, you can youtube the song and listen while reading to enhance your experience.

Or not.

So it’s 2010… and I’m going to pass on the resolutions this year. Let’s review last year’s, shall we?

2009 Goals: a progress report

1. Learn to play the piano. (did one online lesson, got too busy)
2. Develop daily and weekly habits of exercise, journaling, devotions, and creativity. This includes resuming tennis, guitar-playing, and yoga. (epic fail)
3. Find a way that my job is satisfying, therefore bringing in necessary money while not wasting precious moments of life on crap that doesn't matter. (this spills into 2010, as you’ve been reading)
4. Eat more salad. (I believe I’m eating the same amount of salad as 2008…)
5. Write a devotional. (started, but not substantial. will continue when life is less crazy.)
6. Pay off student loans by developing video game- or at least making major progress on the project. (gave up. i lack the skills and resources to make this happen. it looks great in my head, though. if anyone has skills/resources and wants to talk, let me know)
7. Beat the original Mario Bros. NES game. (success!!)
8. Fall in love (will need some assistance here). (epic fail. but that’s not my fault.)
9. Increase and improve drama ministry. (well, I joined Masquer and still did a couple of pieces at Calvary. I say, epic win!)
10. Do more for other people- more volunteer service time. (this actually kind of decreased. eek).

So I’m not ready to neglect the unfinished goals, but they are on the backburner to make room for “Operation Torrance”. I’m pretty wiped out trying to handle all the details of this transition as it is. But the point of resolutions/goals is just to spend your time productively and positively- which is what I am doing.

So, ya wanna know the status of all the changes? Here it goes:

I have transferred from the radio station’s Glendale office to our Orange County office, and am now a promotion’s assistant. While this means a cut in pay and hours, it’s doable (and it’s a JOB that I HAVE- the whole “bird in the hand is better than two in the bush” kind of thing).

This morning ended a long search for my social security card and other forms of i.d., the absence of which was preventing me from seeking a second job (you need these for the I-9 form in order to be hired in the U.S. See, working for human resources was not totally a lost cause. ;) ). I fully intend to register for work as a background extra within the next week. That should patch the holes in my financial plan, and i’ll be off and running.

As for school…. all the classes for the January term were full, so I’ll start the spring semester mid-February. This is fine, since we’re still working out the details of moving, and it’s saves me a crazy long commute in the mean time (ironically, the commute to the OC office from my current home is exactly the same as to my previous office…). Working less hours makes the budget tight, but it gives me an opportunity to handle these and other necessary details. Today’s day off allowed me to search our storage unit for my social security card and reorganize it so that things are accessible. I also had an eye appointment to take advantage of the remaining weeks of health insurance, and did three loads of laundry. Oh, and there was also a nap. :)

So I leave you with a poem/lyrics I wrote from my window-less desk a couple months ago, that I found today while cleaning. I’m not as depressed as it makes me sound…. and that’s partially because I’m still moving forward from the rut I was in when I penned the words….

other people’s songs inspire me to write
other people’s wrongs urge me to the the fight
someone else’s melody prompts my heart to sing
something has occurred to me- i’ve lost all my own things

do empty hands mean empty heart?
i have no words, there’s no more art
it used to flow from deep inside
i fear something in my soul has died

clean paper calls my name, aching for the words
every day the same- i’ve got only what i’ve heard
if their music calls to me, wakes my quiet heart
that’s the place where hope could be, waiting in the dark

do empty hands mean empty heart?
where are my words, please find my art
it used to flow from deep inside
please resurrect the me that died

songs and pictures, story lines
words and music, colors bright
locked away- but they’re still mine
help me bring them to the light

please fill my hands and fill my heart
with all the words and songs and art
let it flow from deep inside
so then i’ll know my soul’s alive.