i shouldn't be so awake

I hung out with a friend last night. This friend is dear, but rarely near. And when she's in town, it's often a flurry of busyness before she flies out again. So a kick-back evening is a nice surprise. After a simple dinner and hours of talking, I left feeling encouraged and uplifted. I don't know that this is a result of the topics of conversation (though they were great and sometimes deep), but just the quality time with two hearts bound by the Holy Spirit.

God is teaching me about having a servant's heart, i'm pretty sure. And I'm failing at these lessons. Every day at work, tasks come up that make me grumble and cause frustration. Then I hear that voice-that's-not-mine in my head reminding me that I'm "in class" and it's a hands-on object lesson. For a moment, I acknowledge this and go about serving. Then I complain to someone. If I'm really doing well, I just complain in my head. Which means I'm complaining in my heart and I might as well voice it- it's just as bad. And I know that until i learn this lesson, I won't move forward. We all know how much I yearn to move forward (assuming, of course, that forward means free from the shackles of an office job to swim in the joy of my dreams). At the moment, it's me holding me back.... so when will I get it?? I suppose comprehending this in my head is the beginning of grasping it in my heart, followed by evidence in my attitude and behavior....

On a lighter note, I'm in the market for new music. My sister, Becca, sent me a cd a few months ago. I love it. And I love that it's Becca-flavored. Then I thought, what would it be like if I had random friend/family-flavored mixes? I'm not asking you to spend money or burn a cd or anything, but if you want to email a playlist to littlestarshining@gmail.com, iTunes and I will be overjoyed.

It's time to sort mail. I'm trying to infuse my day with reminders of free-spiritness. Maybe that will revive the inner Stargirl in me. I think I'll know for sure when I start playing guitar and writing songs and creating art again. For now, it starts with wearing a new fun piece of jewelry, taking walks at lunch, and blogging optimistically when I should be working instead.